Sunday, January 20, 2008

Everyone needs a sludge hammer

After the responses to my plea for dinner ideas ("Yeah, dinner. Whatever. A bowl of cereal is filling! Can we talk about American Idol now?" Heh.), I think I know what my problem is. It's not hatred of cooking; actually, I love to cook--occasionally. What I hate is the daily-ness of cooking dinner. You do it one day, and damn it, you have to do it again the next day, and the next, and the next, etc., etc. Bring on the Soylent Green tablets!

I do get inspired by watching the Food Network, however, and searching the Web site always gives me ideas, especially if I have an ingredient and don't know what the hell to do with it, too--a pack of chicken breasts, for example. What I should do is make a regular-sized recipe and freeze half of it, right? But that involves having freezer containers with matching lids. Oy. Face it: Dinner is just a pain in the ass. That bowl of cereal is sounding better all the time.

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About a month ago, I joined my local Freecycle group. My first experience making an offer wasn't a good one because the woman who claimed she was "so excited" about getting my book of knitting patterns never showed up and wouldn't reply to my e-mails. I was discouraged, but I've been keeping a box of items to give away, and I'll give it another go soon.

I get the group e-mails in a daily digest, and I have to say that I'm dismayed (and snottily amused) at the near-illiterate messages. Isn't there a spell-check feature for messages to Yahoo groups? Clearly, no one uses it. The grammar and punctuation are just as appalling. I sound overly picky, don't I? Because I'm hateful, I'm copying a few here to show you I'm really NOT that picky. Some are unintentionally funny, too:

"i have over 50 jars of baby food that need gone to day!!"

"Im in need of a sweeper if you have one you no longer use please let me know. i Can pick up anytime."

"THIS IS REALLY CUTE. IT IS WINNIE HANGING ON A BLUE BALLOON AND YOU PULL IT DOWN AND IT PLAYS MUSIC. IT IS KIND OF LIKE A MOBILE BUT IT DOESN'T SPEND." (I applaud Winnie's frugality.)

"I'm Looking for an outdoor fire pit for next summer my fiance gets really cold easy and I like to sit outside with the kids during the evening and I figured since it was the winter someone may be getting a new one next year and I could take the old one off there hands!"

"ALSO ON SOME OF THE CLOTHS THERE ARE STAINS, FOR SOME REASON EVERYBODY BUT ME CAN GET STAINS OUT OF CLOTHS...HA HA."

"Offer: A sack full of paring knifes."

"As it seems my very comfy office chair that I have for my computer chair. Has seen its better days, my hubby gotta love him tried to fix it..Its broke on the bottom of the arm. Now if you happen to not to know and lean back it will come apart or just throw you out of the chair." (Maybe her husband meant to make the chair throw her out?)

Her next message: " I forgotten to put down that I live in [next town over] and that I can pick up..Goodness I forgotten to put that in."

"These chairs are metal, kind of have a roth iron look to them. They are from the 70's or 80's not sure. They still have some good life left in them. And they do swivel."

"i AM LOOKING FOR A DRESSER MY SONS IS HAD AND WE NEED A BETTER ONE FOR HIM. I AM ALSO LOOKING FOR SOME CURTAINS THEY DON'T NEED TO BE NOTHING SPECIAL I JUST DON'T HAVE NONE AND ARE NEEDING SOME FOR THE HOUSE. i AM ALSO LOOKING FOR A RECLINER THAT ROCKS BUT DOESN'T HAVE TOO."

Sasha has seen requests for some unusual items on her Freecycle list: "wemens clothes" and a "sludge hammer," for example. Sasha, what was the other one that was so funny?