Thursday, January 24, 2008

AI chatter and some questions

Oh, my God. A Freecycle message I got this morning offered "2 Small miniature full blooded datsun's (weiner dogs)." Good thing she clarified in parentheses--for a second, my poor brain almost exploded trying to figure out what a full-blooded Datsun might be. And "small miniature" wins the Department of Redundancy Department prize.


I have a pile o' work waiting for me, so I'm talking a little American Idol, throwing up a questionnaire, and calling it an entry. So, AI first. I think I've detected this season's theme: chastity. So far in auditions, I've seen the Boy Who's Never Been Kissed (because he made a pledge to his creepy father, and the two of them wear matching lockets as a symbol of his pledge, aaaaaaand it was exactly as disturbing as you think it seems); Nanny Who's Never Seen an R-Rated Movie (and she's married and in her 20s); a crazed-looking man who sang his own composition, "No Sex Allowed"; and Abstinence "Whatevs!" Chick, a 17-year-old girl who preaches perkily and annoyingly to her classmates about the benefits of waiting for marriage to have sex. (Meanwhile, she's captain of the dance team and shakes her booty in an extremely short skirt. Uh, a little more consistency, please?)


I saw this questionnaire at Sasha's:

When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter?

I refer to it as the "entryway," but it's more room-sized than that term implies. I have two big bookcases in there, and in the corner, between two windows, is Daniel's reading chair and a lamp.

Do you have a dishwasher?

Yes, thank the Lord.

Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors?

Hardwood, after I ripped up the hideous beige carpet several years ago.

Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer?

On the counter in a block, but I'm slowly the replacing the not-very-good knives that came with the block.

House, apartment, duplex, or trailer?


How many bedrooms?

Three upstairs, but one is the art room/music room/Kevin's cave.

Gas or electric stove?


Do you have a yard?

Yes, but I wish it were fenced. I'd love to be able to open the back door and turn the dogs loose out there.

What size TV is in the living room?

30-something inches? I think?

Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups?

Nope. I don't have cups that match my dishes; I keep all the coffee mugs in a cabinet above the coffeemaker.

Is there a coffeemaker sitting on your kitchen counter?

Have we met? Of course!

What room is your computer in?

In my office, which was intended as this house's dining room. It's midway between the bathroom and the kitchen, so it's placed perfectly for me.

Are there pictures hanging in your living room?

Yes, and probably too many. One of my favorites, I actually found in the trash! The man who lived across the alley from my apartment in Oak Park died, and his children threw out an enormous pile of perfectly good stuff. This picture is a watercolor, possibly Victorian era, of a young woman sitting in a rowboat with her head bowed. She could be melancholy or just tired, but I like imagining what she's thinking about.

Are there any themes found in your home?

I don't go for obsessive themes, I guess. I have a few things with pictures of chubby chefs on them in my kitchen, but I wouldn't say it's a theme. Other than that, I'd have to echo Sasha's answer: "Yeah, that would be the Dogs and Cats Own This House We Just Live Here theme."

What kind of laundry detergent do you use?

I have no idea because Kevin does the laundry.

Do you use dryer sheets?

As a matter of fact, I think he switched from fabric softener to dryer sheets recently.

Do you have any curtains in your home?

Yes, because I'm too lazy to dust blinds as often as they need it.

What color is your fridge?


Is your house clean?

I intended to lie like a rug when answering this question, but I feel guilty doing that. I'd say my house is reasonably clean but cluttered, with pockets of chaos (my office, the basement, etc.)

What room is the most neglected?

Usually, it's my office, but I'm slowly making progress on straightening it up. I guess Daniel's room is the most neglected now because he isn't living in it.

Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty?

I have clean dishes in my dishwasher waiting to be put away so that I can load the dirty dishes in the sink.

How long have you lived in your home?

Since 1995. (Please do the math for me. Thank you.)

Where did you live before?

In a duplex in Indianapolis.

Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet?

No (shudder).

Do you have a scale anywhere in your house?

Yes, in the bathroom. It's dusty, if that tells you anything.

How many mirrors are in your house?

Seven: an antique mirror propped up on a kitchen counter, a candle sconce in the living room with a mirror behind the candle, downstairs bathroom mirror, an antique black-framed mirror in the entryway, two in the upstairs bathroom, and the round mirror attached to my antique vanity in the bedroom. Could I say "antique" more in this answer? I think not.

Look up. What do you see?

On top of the hutch over my desk: a Magic-8 ball, my dictionary, a cardboard standing Einstein, a little statue of John Lennon, two small red-and-black silk Japanese boxes, and assorted framed photos and pictures.

Do you have a garage?

Yes, a detached garage at the far end of the back yard.