Accounts "payable"? Riiiiiiiiight.

What's the best way to get back at an accountant? No, it's not the start of a joke. I'd REALLY like to know. Sneak into his office and steal all the lead from his mechanical pencils? Reset his calculator to flash "H E L L O" with upside-down numbers whenever he hits the add button? I found out today that a guy in accounts payable has been sitting on checks for invoices from the entire month of June because, as he snapped to an assistant inquiring about payment for a broke editor in Indiana, he was "too busy" to sign them.

TOO BUSY. Why, what a brilliant and reasonable excuse! The next time I have a deadline, I'll just explain that I'm TOO BUSY to meet it. I'm sure everyone will understand, and it's not as though me missing a little ol' deadline will affect anyone else. The next time my water bill is due, I'll just drop the water company a note and say I'm TOO BUSY to pay my bill. Shouldn't be a problem.

TOO BUSY, my ass. Harrumph!

Let's see, what else is chapping my hide lately? Oh. Last night, Kevin complimented my appearance, and I said "Thanks" politely and tried to change the subject. Awkward, right? Apparently not awkward enough, as he went on to say he's accepted that he's "entering a period of celibacy." 1) That's related how, exactly? and b) Am I supposed to apologize? I pointed out that he could certainly date, and he said, "Anyone else is going to be substandard compared to you." What utter hooey. Also, I have no idea how to respond to that comment, and given the situation, I don't see how I could have felt anything but uncomfortable. But wait! There's more! He remarked, "It's going to be a lot easier for you. You could just throw a rock out the door and hit someone better than me."

Ah, the time-honored tradition of stoning the object of your affections to get his attention. Good idea! Also? The man has a point, but I was too nice to say so. I tried to laugh it off with a joke about trying it on the strange elderly man who walks his chihuahua past the house every day and coos baby-talk to his dog and added, "Hey, you know I've had my eye on him for ages!"

How long is it until the first weekend in August??