Even with yesterday's fresh snow, I was optimistic about getting out of the house to see a movie. Going down to Mt. Pilot was out of the question, but maybe, just maybe, Mayberry's local theater would show something besides Talladega Nights, which topped the marquee for six solid weeks. Ugh. Holding my breath, I dialed the movie line and was shocked to hear that Music and Lyrics had a 5:00 showing. Matinee prices, even!
About 4:30, Kevin and I headed out to the garage, with me practically skipping down the shoveled path. I was wearing real pants! And a bra! Lipstick, too! Well, I'd wear lipstick in the aftermath of a tornado with a fever of 105, but REAL PANTS, people. Mountains of packed snow lined the driveway on either side, but I stayed positive--until Kevin backed up and got stuck. He kept revving and spinning the tires while I gritted my teeth. I lived in Chicago for 10 years, and I know that technique isn't going to get you anywhere on slick snow. Finally, when the smell of burning rubber began drifting through the air, I suggested Kevin try going forward again and rocking the car back and forth. Apparently this remark was a slur on Kevin's manhood, intelligence, character, etc., etc. "Stop criticizing me!" he yelled. "Oh, I forgot being helpful is CRITICIZING," I retorted.
For God's sake. Am I nuts? It would have been better to let him burn the tires up than offer advice? Meanwhile, the clock on the dashboard was ticking inexorably toward 5:00, and the possibility of a fun movie date began fading. Kevin was getting nowhere fast, so he grudgingly got out of the car to let me try. I told him to get ready to push on my signal, and then rocked the car back and forth a few times. When it felt right, I hollered at Kevin to push and backed up until I was through the packed snow. Kevin ran to the car, and I was nice enough to brake for a few seconds while he climbed in.
Now, let me emphasize that I did not gloat, but Kevin pouted and muttered "Fine, YOU lived in CHICAGO, you know all about driving in snow." All the way to the theater, we "discussed" the difference between criticizing and giving advice, and I bit my tongue about 42 times to stop myself from shrieking "Would you GROW the HELL UP?" Which would have been quite mature of me. Pot, kettle, yadda yadda. I was determined to see the movie, however, so I tried to let it drop.
We raced into the theater at a few minutes before 5:00, and as the teenaged cashier was handing the tickets to us, I happened to spot the movie times listed above him, which said "Music and Lyrics: 4:50 7:00." WHAT? The movie line said 5:00! I asked Teen Cashier whether the movie had already started. He looked blank (well, blankER) and said "I dunno." I asked whether he could, oh, I don't know....FIND OUT? He stared for a few seconds and stuttered that the previews were "probably" still playing. Fine. We walked back to the theater, but when we went in, I saw Hugh Grant talking (adorably, I might add) to Brad Garrett on the big screen and threw a minor hissy fit. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have major dental surgery than watch a movie that's already started. It's just not done. If I started my own religion, that would be number one on the list of deadly sins. (Number two: Talking in the theater during a movie.) I stomped back to Teen Cashier and demanded our money back.
Of course, nothing else worth seeing was playing in that stupid theater, so we went back home. I was crushed. I'd looked forward to this outing so much, and I desperately needed to get out. Instead, I got a stuck car and a ridiculous argument and missed the movie because the idiot girl who records the movie listings read the wrong time. Hmmmph! If we get more snow today, I'm going to commit hara-kiri on the giant icicle hanging next to my back door. At the very least, I could put my eye out!*
*For the three people who haven't seen A Christmas Story, I'm kidding.
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6 comments:
I feel for you. Had to laugh at "I was wearing REAL PANTS and A BRA!" I have my fuzzy yoga pants on today. My dad calls them "your daytime pajamas."
I had to laugh too at the bra and pants thing. I never wear a bra while at home and real pants only while going out. We could start a sisterhood.
Sorry you missed the movie, hope you can get a second chance. Maybe we should buy dog sleds.
Wait, I'm confused. Didn't Kevin grow up in Cleveland? You know, that other place that gets hit with lake effect snow storms? What, did he never drive until he moved to Mayberry?
You'll have to let me know what you think of Music and Lyrics--assuming you get to see it, of course. Hugh Grant is in his element in romantic comedy, and Drew Barrymore is adorable. But I just don't see the chemistry--in the trailers, anyway.
By the way, I'm in sweats and a long-sleeve tee. I can't join your sisterhood, but maybe I could be the men's auxiliary?
I agree with your top two deadly sins, at least as far as going to the movies is concerned. I'm sorry your excursion turned out to be such a bummer.
Luckily for me we have to have nail tyres on at this time of year, which makes driving on the snow a little easier... but a piece of advice for when you get stuck in the snow... take the mats out from under your feet and the passenger and put them in front of or behind your front or rear tyres depending on which wa you're going and use them as a surface to get you started... works everytime!! :-)
Yes, how dare you insult his manhood, of putting the petal to the metal...
As evidenced by our lovely Lisa in the comment above me, there are some good methods for getting unstuck in the snow.
Now if 'men' could only learn to listen to our advice and admit that we do have something worth listening to.
Personally I think men are way more sensitive than women, just my two cents anyway.
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