Monday, August 2, 2010

Breaking Breakup News

It's been so long since I broke up with anyone that I forgot about the "breaking the news" task. I've told all the important folks: my family and you people. However, several local friends and acquaintances still don't know. I got one announcement out of the way this morning. A woman at church e-mailed Kevin and me, asking us to teach a religious education (RE) class for high school students. For Unitarians, RE classes don't involve Bible study; the high school curriculum for this fall is a series of classes comparing the major Western religions, discussing beliefs about the afterlife and religious prejudice, examining dogma and creeds, and so forth. Interesting stuff, but I'm not going to be around the entire year, and Kevin, obviously, can't do it because he moved to another town. So I had to e-mail this woman and explain we broke up. Aaaaawk-ward! No reply yet. Heh.

Next, I have to call a couple we'd met at church, who have been urging us to get together for dinner. They sent us an invitation for a pool party at their house, which is almost an hour away. Kind of a cute idea for the theme--Gilligan's Island--but I'm not showing up in a coconut bra in front of people I barely know. Also, they live out in the country, and I can't drive back home that far at night. My night vision isn't what it used to be; I do fine on main, well-lit roads, but dark, gravel-paved roads in Corn Country? No, thank you. I'm not looking forward to making this call and listening to expressions of condolences about the breakup. If they say "Oh, I'm sorry," I'm a little afraid I might blurt out, "Well, I'm not!"

I haven't decided how (or how much) to tell theater friends from Mayberry. Is a group e-mail in poor taste? Etiquette manuals don't address this issue, or they'd probably suggest separate handwritten letters on monogrammed stationery. *snort* What should I do?

A new season of Project Runway started last week. I do adore watching stressed-out people make bad decisions in the face of ridiculous challenges, and every now and then, there's a moment of impresive creativity. What I love most about this show, however, is reading the hilariously bitchy commentary at Project Rungay. Snarky gay humor never fails to cheer me up, and it cracks me up that these two guys invariably refer to Heidi Klum as "Frau Seal." You know she'd hate that!

Oh, I just got a reply from the woman supervising the RE classes at church. She's sorry to hear about the breakup. Should I tell her "Don't be!" :)


Sasha said...

I don't know what to say, I just keep thinking about how incredibly awkward it is. You'll feel better when all this is out of the way. :)

Celeste said...

Well, you could go the solemn "Thank you" and silence route, or you could pull a Miss Manners and say, "It was a mutual decision that was a long time coming, thank you for understanding" and discourage any discussion past that.

Of course you do a mass email letting people know Kevin's new address and/or phone number and your intended departure date "for new opportunities", so they will get the hints...on account of there being two pieces of news here.

I'd probably just do some kind of little RSVP to the Gilligan party--either a 3 line email or card, or a phone call sometime when you think you can reach the voicemail if you're brave enough to risk that you'll get a person. My three lines would be, thank you so much for inviting me, Kevin and I are no longer together and I will be relocating to a new state very soon, have a wonderful time with your guests. Fin.

Celeste said...

Crap, poor editing on my part. Meant to say you COULD do a mass email, and forgot to add a regrets portion in the three line wonder.
"Sadly we will not be able to attend; we have parted and I am preparing to relocate." I like that even better.

Greg said...

But... you didn't say how Saturday night went!